The weird and wonderful world of primary schools: Put a wet paper towel on it. Lee and Adam Parkinson

We can all remember the first day of school. Wearing an oversized uniform that you’ll “grow into”, prancing about in shiny new shoes and parading down the corridor like it’s a catwalk whilst fashioning an overly embellished, impractical lunch box. What better to get back into the school spirit and get over the summer blues, then to read education comedy legends (and brothers!) Lee and Adam Parkinson’s “Put a wet paper towel on it.” They began a punny podcast entitled “Two Mr Ps in a Pod(cast)” based on their experiences as a teacher and teaching assistant in the U.K. since 2017. This book is essentially a continuation of their witty, relatable and inspiring podcast regarding the highs and lows of the education system. Even if you’re not an educator, it’s accessible and entertaining enough for anyone who knows a child or was a student (even if it was many moons ago!).

It is cleverly organised as though you are going through an academic year, from the first INSET (teacher training) day mocking typical teachers, to counting down until the end of year when educators are pulling their hair out! It was honestly comedy gold! I read it in a few days, literally laughing out loud whilst commuting (and embarassing) my teacher best friend. The title itself “put a wet paper towel on it” is a quintessential example of what teaching staff say multiplies times a day as a solution to any, and I mean any, sort of problem. The Parkinson brothers describe common scenarios that occur in a classroom from their own experiences as well as those sent in from their podcast listeners. I won’t spoil it, but these were my absolute favourites:

‘As teachers, we are very hypocritical. We are meant to be role-models for the future generation. We promote using kind language and reprimand children with rhetorical questions like “how dare you swear?” meanwhile in my head “what do you mean do you need a f*** pencil?!” The brothers set the scene so well, such as pressures of an observation or heaven forbid OFSTED coming in yet a child will undoubtedly say, “I can’t find my pencil!”

Despite three years of my Primary Education degree, completing my Newly Qualified Teaching year (now a 2 year Early Careers Teacher course) and recently accomplishing a leadership course, I am yet to find the secret to behaviour management. My go-to line is to raise my voice partially and as a Parkinson brother eloquently puts it,

‘Saying “urm, excuse me class” whilst your double chin has to be displayed proudly to show your pupils how disgusting their behaviour is by how disgusting you look’. Here I was thinking I was unique.

I really liked how they told their contrasting stories of how they entered the profession. Lee also described the shift in his teaching from being young and single, to then having triplets and a step-son! It’s hard to separate work and personal life in education so it was reassuring to hear this perspective. As each brother told their story or experience, the font differed which was reflective of their podcast.

Not only do they recreate hilarious moments that can occur on any teaching day, they also draw attention to the increasing pressures and demands within the U.K. education system. From government school budget cuts, unreasonable working hours, standardised testing and a rise in poor mental health (to say the least), the brothers refuse to shy away from the realities. They also comment on what actually helps children learn-not jazzy PowerPoints or Pinterest style displays but rather high-quality training. Most importantly they celebrate the passion and resilience of those working in education as we all know it’s a unique, special profession.

A completely relatable read. It will be my gift to any teacher (I’ve already bought for another teacher bestie!) or anyone wanting to get into teaching. 4/5 an easy summer read.